Learn to Recognize Your Triggers
We All Get Triggered
You know that feeling when someone says something that hits a nerve and immediately destabilizes you? One minute you’re feeling fine and the next you’re suddenly spiraling in emotions of anger, panic, guilt, or shame?
That’s an emotional trigger. And we all have them.
For the most part our triggers stem from our childhood when we invariably had emotionally impactful experiences that we either couldn’t acknowledge or deal with at the time. The more a trigger was repeated, the more it was reinforced in our subconscious mind and the more vigilant your nervous system becomes when you’re in similar—and thereby potentially threatening—situations.
For example, my friend James was raised in a home filled with tension. His father was an alcoholic and his parents fought constantly, so he grew up fearing and avoiding conflict. Today, he still gets painfully triggered at even the hint of tension at work.
Whenever a conversation becomes too intense, or colleagues get into a heated debate, anxiety still bubbles up in the pit of his stomach and he finds it difficult to breathe or think clearly. Obviously, this isn’t what he’s wanting to experience but it is a natural response when feeling triggered by past traumas.
Feeling Triggered Stirs Up Emotions
We all have emotional responses that hijack our brain when we’re triggered. This is because the brain is emotionally wired for fear, so our immediate reaction to any event is always going to be emotional. And while there’s no way around this, that doesn’t mean we’re at the mercy of our triggers.
Scientists have found that there’s a critical lag time between the moment we’re triggered and feel an urge to react and when we follow through: a full quarter-second delay that creates a window during which your prefrontal cortex empowers you to disengage from the physiological reactions in your body (fight, flight, freeze) and choose your response.
This means that when we’re aware of our triggers and the emotional response that ensues, we can consciously choose how we want to respond. And while a quarter of a second may not sound like a lot of time, it’s practically infinite when you realize the massive computing power of your brain.
It’s plenty of time to question whether you’re perceiving a situation accurately. It’s plenty of time to realize that the comment was a joke and not meant to hurt your feelings, or that the question was designed to spark conversation and not judgmental. And it’s plenty of time to hear your story and ask yourself if it’s true or not.
Recognize Your Triggers
We can all evolve the way we communicate and learn to use this split-second moment to our advantage and choose our response. The first step is to raise our level of self-awareness and be intentional about what we want to say and do when we feel triggered.
Here’s a daily practice to help you neutralize what triggers you:
Think about what sets you off when you’re communicating to identify your triggers. (Feeling dismissed, conflict or tension, not being heard, interruptions, etc.)
Listen for the story you tell yourself to see what’s driving your reaction. The more we understand our triggers, the less power they have over our thoughts, emotions, and actions.
Look at how you tend to react when your emotions overpower rational thought.
Decide how you’d like to intentionally respond when that situation arises again. Be specific about what you will say and do.
Then practice intentionally responding this way until it becomes second nature. Know that it takes time to rewire your brain’s response and that you will get better and better with practice.
I’m so glad you’re here and elevating your communication skills. I hope you will spend some time with this practice so you can take advantage of this split-second window to choose your response and build stronger relationships.
It’s empowering when you find that what used to trigger you no longer pushes your buttons the way it once did. And we can all empower ourselves to communicate better!
Happily,
Maryanne
